F**king things up

Once upon a time a woman wrote a song, the chorus of which went, “I'm gunna give myself permission to shine”. Right now that song is stuck in my head, but with slightly different lyrics.Today I've decided to give myself permission to f**k up.

And I mean that in the most positive way possible. We can all get so hung up on being perfect, achieving greatness, managing to work full time, exercise 6 days a week, eat wholesome meals at every opportunity, engage with others in a positive way and look after our own emotional needs. Every day. Our modern society tells us that we need to do all the above, and still be independent. One must achieve all this greatness, with out relying on others. And get it right, all the time.

I have realised that for me this is just not possible. (Is it possible for anyone?). This week I've been beating myself up about feeling sad that my friends have been busy and haven't had time to catch up with me. I've been telling myself – Don't rely on your friends to meet your needs! Go and get your needs met some other way.

I've been beating myself up for feeling anxious about starting a new, challenging job. I've been telling myself – you're not good enough at this. You don't have enough experience, you're going to f**k it up.

Finally, today, I've realised – I AM going to f**k it up. I will feel anxious. I will feel sad. I will have seemingly irrational thoughts and sometimes get angry at the person who overtakes me on a double line. And that's ok. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to give myself an internal hug and say, darling, you f**ked up. I love you. x